News Flashes

• Wall Street protesters vow to not let "Worldwide Handwashing Day" get in their way of spreading message. 7 months ago

• Inaccurately colored Today Show rainbow blamed for making kids stupid. http://t.co/vK4BSzfN 7 months ago

• NASA prepares robotic astronaut to launch in to space and box aliens. http://t.co/vlp5hWkt 7 months ago

• Aliens vow to "Occupy Uranus" 7 months ago

• Japanese "occupy" Tokyo in first step to make another US invention better, faster and cheaper. http://t.co/B46bP9Pd 7 months ago

• The "1%" consider sponsoring people "occupying wall street" so they can write it off on their taxes. 7 months ago

• Citing "scary ass $#@&" happening everywhere on field, rugby players keep eyes closed during entire match. http://t.co/eqZbbiQ9 7 months ago

• Despite record breaking drought, Texas determined to remain soul-crushingly flat. 7 months ago

• Woman ages 50 years in three days. Boyfriend goes from robbing cradle to scoring a cougar all in one weekend. Bucket list shrinks. 7 months ago

• Dogs with perverted owners breathe sigh of relief as peanut butter prices begin to soar. 7 months ago

• Afghan militants attack gate of U.S. base, then realize they are attacking a gate. 7 months ago

• Mayan's consider rolling out swimsuit calendar for 2012 7 months ago

• Austin Texans says they will join Wall Street protests as soon as they are done enjoying music, food, drink and mind-blowing sex everywhere 7 months ago

• Aviation Safety: F.A.A. Study finds air traffic controllers made significantly fewer bad decisions when they were sleeping on the job. 7 months ago

• Netflix to roll out new dating site for people who don't mind paying too much for movie streaming. 7 months ago

• Rep say Lohan's teeth are "not news", they have been disgusting for a while now. 7 months ago

• Canada: Keystone Pipeline Project put on hold, researchers find no reason to move that much crappy beer across country. 7 months ago

• San Diego says they would love to join the "Occupy" movement but "have you seen the weather here?...I mean, it's like....." 7 months ago

• Lindsay Lohan's teeth falling apart, judge orders her to steal toothbrush. 7 months ago

• Berlusconi survives confidence vote however country is 100% confident he will celebrate with young women. 7 months ago